


I Live For Little Moments Like That

by hummingrightalong



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Asexual Appreciation Week, Asexual Character, Asexual Daryl Dixon, Asexuality, Drabble, M/M, asexuals sometimes have sex with their partners, cerebral description of intimacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16387622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingrightalong/pseuds/hummingrightalong
Summary: A moment with Rick, Daryl, and the kids. Rick thinks about his relationship.( For Asexual Appreciation Week, and dedicated to lflssfrghtnng.tumblr.com )





	1. Chapter 1

‘I didn’t plan for this’, could be Rick’s motto in life.

And it’s probably why he’s waking up with the sunrise, somehow still not the first in his very own bed to open his eyes, and slowly taking in the sight of a large giggling lump of crudely - but somehow warm as hell - quilted blanket.

It’s wrapped around Daryl, that much is obvious by the size and shape of it, but he’s not alone in there. Judith’s little voice is muffled but clear enough to hear that she’s reading her daddy a story in there.

“Am I ever going to wake up early enough to hold my kids first?” Rick asks, carefully pulling some of the quilt back to see their faces pressed close and intent on the story unfolding in the little girl’s book. 

“Ya gotta wake up before me to do that,” Daryl states, serious as always, before quickly turning back to their baby girl. “I can read myself ya know.”

“I do it better.” She shushes him then, nearly at her (their) favorite part.

When she’s done they send her off to get her brother up, it’s laundry and ‘shower’ day.

“River nearby isn’t warm enough to wash in,” Daryl starts, shrugging the quilt and throwing a leather jacket over the same clothes he’d lived and slept in for days. “A few of us are gonna haul water, bring it back and heat it up for baths. Get your ass outta bed and get the kids together.”

“You smell terrible, that’s a good idea.” Rick jokes. 

Daryl steps back to the bed, leans down and sniffs his partner’s filthy hair, “you ain’t much better.” He ends the statement with a soft kiss, on the lips. Rick feels dizzy with it, the rare and special physical affection from the other is always an intoxicating surprise. He never has minded Daryl’s nature, understands and accepts it. The value of Daryl being the second father to his children, as well as the cerebral connection they have and the good or bad experiences they share are more meaningful than the regular physical connection he and Lori had had.

He gets a little lost in thought but can feel Daryl watching him expectantly. “Well?”

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Rick says slowly, stretching out and slowly getting dressed. He’s not quite as modest as the other man. He would be if Daryl minded, but Daryl doesn’t mind much and if he does he lets you know.

“Hey Rick,” stopped on his way out, the other man turns and says with his usual odd mixture of matter-of-fact intensity, “we can fool around later if ya like.”

Huh. “Damn good reason to get cleaned up then.”

“Thought you might say so. Come on.”


	2. I've Built My Life Around You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More for ace appreciate week. 
> 
> Asexuals do, sometimes, have sex with their partners. This chapter is basically that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets a little sexy this time, mostly cerebral

Daryl slips into their tent, shirtless and soaking. 

Rick thinks about brushing some of his wet hair out of his face, but respectfully leaves him to it. It’s not that they can’t ever touch, it’s just not as constant and full of promise the way he and Lori would touch.

Not that he’d trade this now for what he had then. This is no way means that he didn’t love Lori, doesn’t miss her still- she’s the mother of his children. 

But Daryl is their father now. And watching him take care of them is just as endearing, just as much of a turn on. Especially with them both freshly scrubbed and smelling some kind of clean, kids distracted and tent to themselves.

Don’t make a fuss out of it, he reminds himself but parts of him forget that.

Sometimes Daryl doesn’t want to be touched at all, and while this has been a learning curve for Rick he has studied the signs and it’s almost intuition at this point. 

The meter must be totally off, or the lack of blood to his brain has screwed him up because he has no warning signs when Daryl lays beside him, shirtless, drying off with the air and the boxers and jeans hanging loosely on his hips. 

The former officer had never looked at another man this way, and he figures it’s a mental thing more than a physical thing the first few times it happens, but as he gets closer to Daryl he starts feeling physically attracted to him as well. Knowing that Daryl has (whether he knew how to define it himself or not) always been asexual.

Now that doesn’t mean he never has a sex drive, or that he doesn’t feel close to some people. 

At the moment in fact he’s awfully close, cool damp hand down Rick’s pants, stroking it just the way Rick does (yeah sometimes he just lays there reading or cleaning his weapons while Rick gets himself off, so maybe he’s taken note?), bringing him close in a matter of moments. 

Call it age, call it being definitely, stupidly in love, Rick comes with the tracker’s callused hand gently squeezing at the top of each stroke; but if we’re being honest, it’s the kissing that does him in- something else that’s not consistent in their relationship but intense as hell when it happens. 

It doesn’t go unnoticed that at some point Daryl has gotten hard, easy enough to tell in those pants and the way he breathes a little harder and his pupils dilate. 

Part of what Rick has learned about his asexual partner is that sometimes he doesn’t mind- in fact wants to- please him but has no interest in sexual gratification being returned. That doesn’t mean he sometimes doesn’t need release. But if so, he either finds a bathroom to finish himself off (and while Rick reminds himself of how he must be patient and accepting and rearrange his thinking on an intimate relationship, that’s become an awfully sexy thought), or he lays in bed and quietly finishes himself off, not asking for or desiring any assistance from Rick.

The best part, really, is when they’re done there’s the usual clean up...and then they snuggle up and he gets to fall asleep (for now- soon the kids will find their way over) holding and being held by the person he couldn’t imagine being without in this strange new world.


	3. The Dad You Don't Have To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl, Judith, and Rick are an absolute wreck when Daryl is missing for too long after a supply run. Carl wants to do something about it.

Their little troop is arguing around the wagon, trying their best to avoid the kids. 

That’s when the ‘daddy’ sense kicks in and Rick peeks around the trees they’re parked behind, seeing his teenage son checking the clip and safety of his own gun 

For protection they let him keep one close but something about his mother’s long ago warnings and the things the kid had been through makes his daddy cringe every time he sees one in his hand.

Carl is tucking the weapon into his waistband when the former officer stops him with a hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t even jump. Just turns full around and glares at him.

“I’m going to find daddy. Not sittin’ around arguing about it like the rest of you.”

Daryl had been on a supply run and an expedition of the new area they’d settled in. Just to feel it out, see if there were locals, if they were friendly. The time frame he’d given Rick (begrudgingly, assuming Rick was questioning his capability of doing this on his own) had gone by, and then a couple of more days after that. 

The children were a wreck, and their biological father was really missing a partner right now. Even if Lori could come crawling back from the dead and give him advice on how to console the children, he’d welcome her ghost. He knows she certainly wouldn’t stand for their baby going out on his own, armed with only one eye, a gun, and his determination.

And He agrees with her this time. Carl is barely a teenager, a child really! HIS CHILD - but there it is, that look, the set in Carl’s jaw, the darkening of his eye; he’s not sure which parent he’d inherited that from but the general attitude of ‘go ahead and stop me’ is 100% his mother’s. 

As if it couldn’t get worse, a tearful Judith interrupts their private conversation. “I wanna help too.”

“Damn it, Judith, NO! Neither of of are gonna go find daddy!” He shouts, and Jesus, isn’t that the worst thing he could do right now? She starts to cry and Carl tries to calm her, shooting him daggers. 

Damn it.

The last couple of days, Rick had been questioning himself, his resolve, his ability to keep his family together. It’s another reminder that he needs Daryl. Daryl would make the tears go away, would convince Carl to put the gun down, or at least calm down and think before he goes rushing out. Yeah, probably that. But he really couldn’t be sure *what* Daryl would do, and that was the ultimate reason at the moment why he missed him and wanted him back in one piece and he finds himself trying not to cry too. 

As he went from being the best friend and support to the kids’ other parent, Daryl had almost surpassed (?) Rick, in a way. At least that’s how he felt. He didn’t resent him for it, he was just lost and completely fucking beside himself when he was without his other half...he really hopes Lori would approve.

“I’m going, Y’all can argue amongst yourselves but I’m GOING to find my -”

Carl stops dead, a few steps away from their campground when Daryl emerges from the treeline. His back is loaded up with supplies; Rick notices he even has a few shiny new weapons strapped to his belt. He’s covered in blood but everyone knows that he wouldn’t even come back and endanger them all if he’d been infected. Not like this. He’d sneak in, maybe, if-like Rick hoped- he wanted ‘his person’ to be there with him or do it for him.

“Ya did a hell of a job, kiddo.” Daryl jokes, playing it cool when Carl rushes over to help.   
Still, he looks like shit and barely manages to kiss both the kids on the head, keeping a smile on his face to calm their worried faces as he drops his haul near the wagon. The rest know to leave Daryl the hell alone when he’s unwell, maintaining a laughably “casual” interest, but from a distance. He shoots a look at Rick and takes a few steps towards him.

Carol moves to help too, making sure to ignore both mens’ silent protest. They WERE NOT ok. Rick had been a wreck and Daryl looked a wreck now. She says so.

“You about to pass out?” Rick whispers, sliding an arm around Daryl’s waist and helping him limp off to a tent.

“Fuck yeah…” he grumbles, voice sounding much weaker now that the kids aren’t around to hear it.

He’ll pull through his injuries and general exhaustion just fine, but he needs medical attention and rest. Rick never leaves his side, and Daryl’s usual self sufficient attitude be damned, he dotes on him and never lets go of his hand, even when they both pass out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my TWD universe, Carl survives. This doesn't have a firm place in the timeline, but he lives. 
> 
> The plan here is eventually the party works their way across the country to meet up with my FTWD survivors.


	4. My Person

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl's friends aren't quite sure what to call their relationship, and are mostly too polite to ask. The couple notices, but finds their discomfort too hilarious to correct.

Nobody is quite sure what to call them. It’s not that they’d overheard the debates at first, none of their companions are stupid enough to let that happen - they’ve gained the necessary survival instincts in these hard times - but they’d seen the looks and heard the way statements tend to drop off when the two of them are addressed ‘together’, but carefully not as a pair.

From Glenn - “Your...Daryl is off on his own again, says he’ll be back in a couple days...”

“Might want to talk to your...well, uh, Rick has a plan...” Carol had said once.

And they keep this shit up like this for about a year. The only people who don’t bother wasting, or worrying, about words, are the kids. It’s been ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’ for the both of them since Daryl stepped in shortly after Lori died in childbirth - Judith since she learned to talk, Carl quickly following suit.

He’d always been there. So, Rick, at least, knows exactly how he *feels* and what he calls him isn’t much different than what he called Lori. His partner in life, that’s a good one. 

Obviously not spouse, but close enough or better these days (he couldn’t see Daryl ever tying the knot, not with his family history, not with his close guarded ways). 

Lover was a cliche or for children. It didn’t really work for them, and not just because of the nature of their relationship. It implied too much, but more importantly too little.

Boyfriend worked, but again it didn’t seem to hold the weight that so many other words could.

Daryl usually put him at a loss for words. The other man being so laconic, few words used but always managing to get his point across, usually with (somewhat crass) depth and wisdom. Few people gave him credit but ask Andrea what a few words from Daryl alone in the woods late at night could mean and how it could change you. 

Yeah. That was Daryl. 

Rick assumed he might even be offended if he’d noticed the way their friends were behaving. He was probably was offended. They weren’t subtle, and if they were trying, they were failing.

In typical Southern fashion they probably weren’t trying. People got in each other’s business where they all came from. That’s how it worked. Especially the closer you got.

To Rick’s surprise, one night, after getting the kids to bed, Daryl turned to him under the light of a Coleman lamp in their tent with a huge smile.

“You know what they been doin’?”

“They who?”

“All our friends. Talking about us. Well, tryin’ to. Seems like they can’t quite figure out how though. Even Carol is at it, and I explained it to her. Mostly.”

Rick laughs. “You explained us to her?”

“Best I could. Best that was any of her business.”

“So what are we?”

 

“Carl and Judith’s dads of course.” He pauses a moment, looks a little green like he might be sick because the next thing out of his mouth is one of the more raw and emotional things he’s said eye to eye to even Rick. They’ve expressed their love, easily throughout the time they’ve known each other and it’s almost meant different things. “You’re my *person*. I figure you feel the same way.”

Daryl had begun coming in at night when Lori first passed to help with the kids. A few nights in, when he slept next to Rick holding the children, he had stated simply ‘you ain’t got this’. He was right, and Rick told him so. He’s always right. Everyone likes to say the former officer always knows what to say and do, but he feels like that’s Daryl.

“You’re my person too Daryl. I love you.”

“Love you too. Now, how much longer do we let them squirm?” He said with a wink.

“As long as you like.”


	5. The Birds and the Bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time that somebody has 'the talk' with Carl, both of his dads are sort of dreading it but there's a new girl at camp that the teenager is interested in.

Daryl tells the most heartbreaking stories. The way he tells them, it’s like they’re a joke, and considering the life he’s led, to him they probably seem like they ought to be. Rick supposed it was a coping mechanism, or just what the tracker considered ‘normal’ because he hadn’t known anything else.

In any case, one of the ones that sat deep in Rick’s chest and made his heart ache was about Merle (of course, right?). Apparently when Daryl had reached the ripe old age of whenever Merle thought it was too late to still be a virgin (13 or 14, rick tries not to remember because its too close to where his own boy is at), he took him to a whorehouse.

It’d gone something like this:

“Look kid, you’re here so I can make a man outta ya,” Merle had said between finding ‘just the right girl’, paying her in a wad of cash, and physically moving his little brother towards her room none too gently. “You gotta cut it out with what this weird shit it. It’s well past time.”

Daryl hadn’t been interested to begin with, and certainly not when he thought of all the prescriptions Merle carried for his various ailments- most because of the lady company he chose to keep. “Ain’t doing it.”

“You sure as hell are. Daddy has started to notice just how fucking strange you are and we just can’t have that. I’m done covering for something she can easily fix right here, right now.” This should be read as Merle often covered for Daryl, took beatings that weren’t his. He may have been a monster but sometimes he HAD tried to be a good brother- or at least hated their abusive father enough to want to be the one in on the fight. He always thought he’d win and usually did. “Ya gotta get over whatever makes ya such a freak.”

When Daryl told this story, he peppered it with even more disturbing details- like how he thought that this might be one of the very same girls that Merle had been with and contracted god knows what from, and that he sure as hell wasn’t going to fuck a girl that his brother already had...that was just weird right? ‘Yes, dear, not the point though…’

“That was the first time I won a fight with my brother. Kicked his ass right there.” Daryl took a long look at his partner after that. He was proud of himself, that was a damn defining moment in his life but- “You’re giving me that look that says ‘that was a terrible story Daryl’, what’s going on?”

“That was a terrible story Daryl.” Rick tries to say the next part in the gentlest way possible. “Please, I beg you don’t ever tell it to the children.”

“Well I don’t think Carl is gonna have the same problem.” Daryl hands a pair of binoculars over to Rick. In the distance, the little girl that had arrived with her family and was currently sharing a space at their little campground was giving Carl what the fathers’ assumed was his first kiss.

They both find it endearing at first, but when it seems like it might go further- in a hurry- Daryl whistles and hollers “Carl! Where you at!”

They watch Carl rush to compose himself and run towards the sound of his father’s voice. Rick makes himself scarce, seeing that Daryl wants to have this talk with Carl and he might have a way to get the message across that Rick has feared he himself would fumble since the moment Carl was born and he saw his first child had a penis. That meant, as per agreement with the woman that’d given birth to him, anything ‘boy related’ would fall on the father to explain.

They wind up in a tree, bow hunting together because, well, that’s what men do right?

Daryl is the first to speak up. Hunting should be a silent sport but that’s not what today is about. “She’s pretty.” He thinks anyway, not really being sure himself but needing to get this rolling in a positive way.

“She sure is. How the heck did you know?” Carl looks nervous as hell, like he might be up there for a scolding.

“I’m your father, I see everything.” The teen waits for more, expecting one of his dad’s legendary stories. “She your girlfriend?”

“I think so,” the young man replies nervously, blushing some. Daryl doesn’t tease. He waits for the kid to continue because this is entirely up to him. It’s his life, his body full of hormones, some stuff Daryl doesn’t understand but in general he hopes he can help. “She let me kiss her...and maybe more.” He sees his father raise an eyebrow at that. “Not yet! And I don’t know if it’s still going to be a thing. Not just ‘cause her family might be moving on but...I don’t know, she has a lot to say about OUR family and I’m not sure I’m ready but I also...feel ready, you know.”

“Not really.” Honest, maybe not helpful, but always honest. “Now you just remember, this is all up to you - and her of course - but you need to make up your mind and NEVERMIND what anybody has to say about it.” Still staring straight forward, they keep a watch in the woods for walkers or fresh kill to cook. Whatever comes along.

“Does any of what you just said have a story to go with it?”

“Maybe. But I ain’t telling it. Anything I have to say isn’t going to punctuate this moment with anything helpful.” God if Daryl could count how many times and how many anecdotes from his past flew through his brain during this talk.

“That’s the thing though- I know all that stuff. But, if I do...do it...some time soon, I kinda need help.”

“Well, those are questions you’ll have to reserve for your daddy. I can’t help ya with that.”

“So you never...with a girl?” Daryl ignores the fact that Carl is staring at him like he knows the secrets to the universe despite his inexperience. Daryl just shakes his head. “Never with anybody?”

“You fishing or asking for advice. Little strange if you ask me. Now, if you need any more advice than what I got, ask your daddy or I’ll find you a book.” Daryl knows without asking that Rick had been told he’d have to have this talk with his son eventually, and how nervous he would be about it. And how weird HE would make it, despite having plenty of real life experience.

“So you and daddy do-” 

“Never you mind. We’re both plenty happy and respectful of one another. That’s really all you need to know about that- and the most important thing you need to remember if you do meet a lady you like that way. If it’s logistics you’re after, like I said, find your daddy or I’ll find you a book.”

Later when Daryl relates this conversation to his partner they both agree they better find an unlooted bookstore quick.


	6. Close Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Daryl and the kids have a close call with a hoarde. The couple needs to reassure each other that they're ok that night.

While they’re settling the kids in, easing their minds and eventually convincing them to sleep, they don’t think back about earlier today. They don’t think about the moments losing sight of Carl and Judith, they don’t think about getting separated themselves. 

It’s just what you do. You have to be strong for them. Strong for the others too, who still look at one another like they’re surprised to see this friend or that family member. There were so many moments that were *so* close, *too* close, for all of them, that everyone is quietly wrecked by the events of the day.

How they even managed to push them back, to slip away and escape, is still a mystery nobody wants to discuss.

The biggest surprise, for Rick at least, is the way Daryl is shaking when they take hold of each other at the end of the night. 

Exhausted, kind of dirty, and scared shitless, Rick understands why anybody would still be terrified. Rationally, he knows they just need to rest now that they’ve reached safety, reset, eaten, and retired to their various sleeping arrangements.

“I almost lost you today.” Daryl states simply in his arms. Unlike Rick, he hadn’t lost *sight* of the kids, but he couldn’t fucking reach them through the wave of corpses. He knew every agonizing moment that they were close to death, could see when one of them had felt rotting fingertips touching an arm or leg, feel that putrid smelling icy breath of theirs on back of their necks. See them trying not to scream and make it worse. Be brave and keep pushing on. “The kids too.”

“It’s alright, we’re alright.” The de-facto leader of their misfit band of survivors is doing what he always does. He keeps people together. Rick can remember the moment everything seemed lost though. He remembers losing sight of his kids, losing sight of Daryl, being so far removed from everyone that he couldn’t even hear them call for help or hear that they were still alive and well.

“No. No it ain’t.” Daryl scrambles at Rick’s clothes, stripping him out of his shirt and kissing his lips, his cheeks, whole body still shaking when he loses touch long enough to shrug out of his own shirt. 

“Ok. Ok, you’re right. I’m not ok either. I was terrified. Still am. But we’re all here. We’re all ok.”

“I’m not. Off.” Daryl demands, relieving them both of the rest of their clothes. He just needs to be as close as possible, bare skin to bare skin, and as soon as he is, he doesn’t go still but he calms. They kiss deeply and press together as tight as they can, not minding the dirt and sweat and traces of much worse. This isn’t about sex; despite how deep and long the kisses are, how Daryl’s embraces are somewhere between inviting and smothering, this is just about reminding one another that they are really *here*. 

Even Rick had to admit that he felt as bad as his partner looked. Not that he’d seen his partner look this way often. Still, it exactly what he needed. To feel the warmth of the other man with nothing between them. To feel the heat in the kisses Daryl trails down Rick’s jaw, over the thrum of his pulse in his throat. 

Eventually they settle and start to fall asleep. The couple are tangled together the entire night. It’s the safest Rick has ever felt. After today, one might think it’s the safest he’ll ever be again. But he pushes that out of his mind just before he drifts off. Because they’ll always find their way back to each other, a belief he mumbles to Daryl as he drifts off first, still scrambling to get closer every time one of them shifts. 

“You damn well better bet we will,” Rick whispers. “We will always come back to each other.”


	7. Polaroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl has a weird hobby, his parents are concerned.

Carl is tucked up in a tree branch the first time they see him do it, polaroid camera in hand. The flash goes off, below him a truly disgusting former human being. It’s teeth show right down to the jawbone, one of its legs is fleshless and broken off at a stump nearly up to the knee. It’s hands have nothing but bony claws, scrabbling at the tree, likely trying to pull itself up at the smell of the boy. Skull exposed, innards spilling out. It’s a mess. Not a totally harmless mess either, but it’s not getting far fast.

A few days later Daryl catches him again, barely paying attention to the few corpses that are far too close for comfort. He’s shaking out the photo, carefully tucking it into a pack around his waist. It’s just about overflowing.

Carl turns around in time to see his father approaching, bow in hand, taking out the handful of hungry rotting creatures. Over the sound of an air whizzing very close to the teen’s head, Daryl yells “get your ass over here, you trying to get killed?”

The teen begrudgingly complies, zipping up his pack and slinging the strap on the camera over his shoulder. As soon as they’re safe Daryl demands to see the collection. He doesn’t take away the camera but he looks more than a little annoyed and Carl isn’t exactly sure why. “No, I ain’t trying to get killed. Just curious I guess.”

“Curious ‘bout what? And where the hell did you get that thing? How the hell do you even know how to use it? We had those back when I was a kid.” Rick might’ve tried to correct Carl’s grammer, ain’t=am not (even if he uses it himself, Carl hasn’t had proper schooling in ages and it *is* important some things stay constant). More important at the moment is this suicidal hobby he’s taken up. If anyone could nip this in the bud, it’s the tracker looking at the various stages of decay, men and women that aren’t men and women anymore. Why bother with this shit, he’s wondering. He hopes the kid has a damn good answer.

“It’s not rocket science, the polaroid part. And I guess about what I’ll look like when I die.” Carl replies matter of factly. 

Daryl sets the macabre collection down, slides the camera off the kids shoulder and pulls him close. “Listen. As long as I live, I will *never* let you become one of those fucking things. And when I'm gone, you'll know enough to take care of yourself. I love you, very much, alright?”

“Whoa, that’s a lot of emotion all at once from you.” Daryl rolls his eyes and sighs heavily. Carl lets the taunt go by squeezing his dad back. “Promise?” Daryl spits into his hand and holds it out, the teenager obliging. “I love you too.

Daryl reminds himself that he can tell Rick the only thing they have to worry about concerning their son at the moment was when and how Carl learned to use the old piece of technology.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of Asexual Appreciation Week and the end of this particular series.   
> There will be more Rickyl in my future though. Loving this pairing.


End file.
